THE TUDORS RETURN!!

Saints be praised! I have to admit that I am watching a week in advance ON DEMAND so I am one week ahead of schedule. I will try not to spoil anything. I LOVE THIS SHOW!! You know I am a big old Tudor queen anyway...but Showtime's THE TUDORS gets it so deliciously right on all levels. Season two opens as King Henry VIII declares himself Supreme Head of the English Church so he can divorce Queen Katherine and marry the Boleyn whore, Anne.

Full disclosure: I am a Howard. The Howards were a ruthless, power hungry, coat-tail riding, whoring, manipulating bunch during the Tudor era. Anne Boleyn was a Howard on her mother's side (as was the whore, and Henry's 4th wife, Catherine Howard). The great Queen Elizabeth I was therefore, a Howard. Now, I cannot prove that I am of the same Howard clan as Anne Boleyn and Elizabeth I, but I am just sure of it down deep in my soul.

Season 2 got off to a slow "political start" in episode one, but episode two got things right back on track to the wonderful back stabbing, whore-bedding, romp of the first season.

As Henry prepares to take Anne to France to introduce her to the French King as his future wife, he has sent poor Queen Katherine (his true wife) into exile where she refuses to voluntarily relinquish her crown, title, and husband.

There is a mysterious executioner sent by the Pope to get rid of the embarrassing Lady Anne, who's identity has not yet been revealed. I know some about the facts of this era, but since the show is not "entirely" based on fact, I am assuming that the mysterious hooded hitman is Henry's lifelong best friend, Charles Brandon. Just a guess. I have been known to be wrong.

The money shot of this episode was when Anne finally gave herself "totally" to Henry. The whore.

Gee, I wonder how this will all end.....

TV REVIEW: JOHN ADAMS ON HBO

Another great episode last night of the HBO mini-series JOHN ADAMS. I think this was my favorite episode so far for Paul Giamatti. He showed great range of emotion and his performance was perfectly understated.

There was an interesting point made of the American electoral process. George Washington got the most electoral votes so he was elected President and Adams received the second most electoral votes so he was Vice President. I like that system. I need to research and see if that is how it really used to happen. But I guess that was before political parties. What if Barack Obama got the most electoral votes and was President and McCain got the second most and became VP. Interesting thought.

Laura Linney was fabulous as usual. She played her arrival in the alien world of Paris perfectly. Just go ahead and give her the Emmy now.

CELEBRITY APPRENTICE FINALE

Last night's Celebrity Apprentice finale was no real shocker when Piers Morgan won. He did raise a heck of a lot of money for charity. Trace Adkins was the real sentimental favorite and he played the game with a lot of integrity, though. He represented all of us in Nashville very well.

I was just astonished at the Backstreet Boys. What a bunch of pussies! They can't go on without their wheat-grass juice and their black nail polish and they have the nerve to ask Trace of all people to get those things for them. The look on his face was priceless. These kids are not in the same league with a performer like Trace - no matter the style of music.

Check the BSB concert rider here for a good laugh.

AMERICAN IDOL: CHIKEZIE GOES HOME

After the "sing a song from the year you were born" theme night, big, lovable Chikezie was sent home. I went from adoring David Archuleta, to loving Carly Smithson, to now being enthralled buy the consistently great performance of David Cook. Will Kristy Lee Cook please go home??

TRANSAMERICAN LOVE STORY

I have been fascinated with this LOGO TV reality show hosted by comedian Alec Mapa and starring transgender performer, Calpernia Addams. I find it so interesting to see these straight guys vying for Calpernia's love and affection. I mean, I get that she is a woman and they are men, so what's so fascinating about that, but come on....it is pretty riveting stuff. Especially now that pre-op transgender contestant, Jim, has told Calpernia that there is no junk in the front of his truck and she decides to keep him there. I mean, she is a straight woman, so wouldn't she be attracted to a man, with all his parts? I know this is coming out of some ignorance on my part, but just trying to understand.

It was wonderful to see Jim's parents not only embrace their transgender son, but Calpernia also. Every transgender person should be so lucky to have parents like Jim's.

Check it out on LOGO.

HBO's JOHN ADAMS: Part Three

I really liked last nights episode of the HBO mini-series, JOHN ADAMS a lot. In part three of the series, Adams travels to Paris to meet up with Ben Franklin and negotiate a treaty with France against the British. Doesn't sound very exciting, does it. Well it was actually very engaging, interesting and informative.

Once again, however, my favorite parts of the episode were the ones revolving around Adam's wife, Abigail, played brilliantly by Laura Linney. She was truly heartbreaking as the abandoned and long suffering wife, left behind to raise the kids, tend to the house and keep the family farm afloat. Linney will certainly be nominated for an Emmy for this role.

My grade: A

DVD REVIEW: SLEUTH

I received Sleuth from Netflix last week and put off watching it until last night. I didn't know how I was going to like 96 minutes of Michael Caine and Jude Law paying cat and mouse alone on screen, with a little homo-eroticism thrown in for good measure.

I actually liked it pretty well. The acting and writing is great and the tension (both sexual and sinister) between Law and Caine is believable and compelling. I don't remember much about the 1972 version of the film, in which Michael Caine played the part that Jude Law plays in this version, to compare the two. Both films are based on the Tony Award winning play by the same title.

I'd give the film a B+.

MOVIE REVIEW: SHUTTER

I love a great horror film, but this ain't one. Went to see it today with the boys and I didn't scream out loud once, and if you have ever been to a horror film with me, you know that means it wasn't that scary. I had my hand over my mouth several times as to not embarrass the LOML with my girly scream, but it never came. If you must see it, wait to see it on DVD. The previews for PROM NIGHT and THE RUINS looked pretty good though.

My grade: C-

MAKE ME A SUPERMODEL FINAL CATWALK

REALITY TRAIN WRECK

Former TOP MODEL contestant, Toccara, loses her frickin' mind on this week's episode of Celebrity Fit Club. Click here to check it out.

GAYLERT: LOST

Finally! The writers of LOST threw us a bone. God bless M.C. Gainey's "Mr. Friendly" for coming out of the closet on tonights episode. There always seems to be a very diverse group of people on the island - white, black, Asian, inter-racial couple, even an a former member of Saddam Hussein's Republican Guard. But it wasn't until tonight that they finally threw us the gay bone.

The Others muscle guy, Mr. Friendly turns out can leave the island for jaunts to the Big Apple and has a male companion there named Arturro. We don't know if Arturro is his partner, boyfriend, hook-up or paid companion, but here's to Mr. Friendly for finally letting it all hang out!

JOHN ADAMS: NOT A BAD SUNDAY NIGHT DATE

I have always been more interested in British history than American history, but I have to say that I really enjoyed the first two episodes of the HBO mini-series, JOHN ADAMS. I love Laura Linney in anything she does and she makes Abigail Adams about as real and relevant as any actress could.

Paul Giamatti is very believable as the 2nd President, but I just got very caught up in the history of the American Revolution. Check it out ON DEMAND or the encore presentations before the next episodes air this Sunday.

AMERICAN IDOL: TOP TEN

I cannot believe that Carly Smithson was in the bottom three or that Kristy Lee Cook made it to the top ten. Luckily Carly was saved and rocker chick Amanda went home. I am not a huge Amanda fan, but she is a heck of lot better than Kristy Lee. Pay attention next week America! (Props, Kelli Pickler!)

I CAN'T LOOK AWAY: BIG BROTHER

I don't really know why I keep watching this show. Tonight Boston blow hard Matty was sent home and fine by me. It took "straight on the show"/"gay on the web" porn auteur, James, to do the final deed by breaking the tie vote by the house guests as Head of House. Matty lost his cool and cried as did his pathetic, needy, "we really are soul-mates" game partner, Natalie. Girl, get some dignity.

But I can't say that the gays have been positively represented either with Joshuah. He seems nice enough, until one of the girls gets on his bad side. He will cut you in half with that tongue if provoked. He never goes off on the boys, though. Mama issues I guess.

With Adam winning the new Head of Household, it's anybody's guess as to which way the wind will blow on the next show.

Why do I keep watching?

AMERICAN IDOL

I totally agreed with Simon last night. They should have left well enough alone with last weeks Lennon/McCartney themed show. But I disagreed with Simon completely on Carly Smithson's performance of Blackbird. That girl is a star. My friends and I also thought it was very classy of Michael Johns not to correct Paula when she said he was having trouble getting used to his ear piece monitor, and he wasn't even using one.

THE TUDORS RETURN MARCH 30TH!

I am so excited that The Tudors return next Sunday night. I have been in mourning ever since last season ended. I was so "Tudor Starved" that I read five Phillipa Gregory novels at break neck speed over the summer. If you have not read Gregory's books on the Tudors, I highly recommend them.

I started with The Other Boleyn Girl, then went on to The Boleyn Inheritance, then The Queen's Fool, The Virgin's Lover, and ended with The Constant Princess. They were all great, but my favorite was probably The Queen's Fool. That one would make a great movie!

So if you don't have Showtime, it is worth getting it just to get caught up in the scandalous world of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn.

MEDIA SQUAWKER HAS ARRIVED!

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